When I'm Gone
by foreverintheunknown17
Summary: Songfic, based off the song "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down. When Spock starts to question what he means to Nyota he talks to her about it.


**Hey everyone! Ok this is my very first Star Trek and I just wanted to try this because it is one of my favorite movies! I'm obsessed with Spock/Uhura and this song inspired me because if you really listen to the lyrics it kind of does describe Spock's relationship with Uhura. But I really hope everyone enjoys this story cause I had a lot of fun writing it. But enough talk from me, yes I know I'm boring. So on with the story!**

_So hold when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_Hold me when I'm scared_

_And love me when I'm gone_

_Everything I am and_

_Everything in me_

_Wants to the be one you wanted me to be_

_I'll never let you down_

_Even if I could_

_I'd give up everything_

_If only for your good_

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_You can hold me when I'm scared_

_You wont always be there_

_So love me when I'm gone_

Spock was sitting comfortably in his meditation position waiting for Nyota to arrive from her shift. It has become a usual routine since they have been aboard the Enterprise. She would arrive and they would have tea together while she would talk animatedly about her day while he listened intently. He always enjoyed listening to her talk about anything really, even before they got together. There was just something in her eyes when she talked that was just simply festinating to Spock. After their tea they would usually partake in some tasteful activities, which led into even more talking after the fact. And then early in the morning he would have to leave early for his shift. But every time before he left he would always kiss her on the forehead. He didn't know why but it seemed like the logical thing to do. But something about this day seemed different to Spock, usually during his meditation he rarely thought about Nyota only if it was out of contentment. But they have been together for nearly a year now and something was seriously nagging him right now. He figured it was the naturally curious side of him that was getting the best of him. He just wanted answers to the questions he has been asking himself for a few weeks now to be answered. One of the main ones was what exactly did she see in him anyway? She is a very beautiful woman and she could have any man she wanted but yet she chose him. He knew it was just simply illogical to be thinking this way but the more is around her the more his human side is showing. And with that happening he is starting to become more vulnerable and that makes him very uneasy. The most illogical question he asks himself is one of the few things he puts himself down for: What exactly did he do to deserve her? He has been asking himself that ever since that incident on the transporter pad after Vulcan was destroyed. He never thought of himself as the type of person to exactly be with someone just because he wanted to. But Nyota was everything he could ever want in a woman; she was highly intelligent which was what drawn him to her in the first place. But besides that she was funny, bubbly, and absolutely perfect in his eyes. He wouldn't change anything about her even if he wanted to. But before he could continue on with his unusual thoughts the door opening interrupted him.

"Spock are you in here?" She asked walking around his quarters.

"I am right here." Spock said while walking up to her.

"Hey, I hope I haven't kept you waiting long. I was running late because I had to do a last minute translation." Nyota said while pecking him on the lips.

"You did not. I was simply meditating upon your arrival. I trust that your day was satisfactory?" He asked in a curious tone. Nyota smirked while wrapping her arms around his neck.

"My day is always satisfactory knowing I get to see you at the end of it."

"I am pleased to know that I contribute to you having a good day." Spock was mentally cursing himself surprisingly in Romulan for not being open with Nyota. As much as his human side was screaming at him to just tell her how much she really means to him his Vulcan side was holding him back.

"I'll make the tea and then we can talk?" She asked innocently.

"Of course, I will be waiting for you on the couch."

7 minutes and 42 seconds later Nyota appeared at his side with his tea. She sat down and took out her hair and he just simply stared at her as she did this simple task. When she looked back at him she gave him an odd look,

"K'diwa, is there something on your mind? You seem to be distant tonight." Spock came out of his daze quick enough to hear her question and was able to give her an acceptable response.

"There is always something on my mind but what is currently on it is relevant to right now. But I am uncertain on how to ask you without sounding to blunt."

"Whatever it is, I understand. Now I'm quite curious to know what it is." She said while tilting her head to the side. Spock took 5 seconds to gather his thoughts together on how to ask her.

"This may sound completely illogical to ask at this point in our relationship but it has been troubling me for quite some time."

"And what is that?"

"I want to ask why exactly you are with me. I'm not exactly as people call 'picture perfect' and you certainly can do better do better then a half-breed like me." Nyota gave him a sympathetic look while touching his cheek.

"Oh Spock it hurts me to see you this way. Why would you think that I deserve better then you?"

"Simple. I never express myself the way you want me to. And also I'm just not just worthy of your compassion."

"Ok first of all you don't need to verbally express anything to me, it's all in your eyes. And second of all it is not just compassion I have for you, its love." Nyota said the last part looking down.

Spock's eyes grew wide for a split second and his heartbeat increased about 19 beats per minute. He always knew that Nyota cared for him deeply but she never mentioned love once. He knew without a doubt that he loved her and no one else would ever compare to her. But that's where the problem begins, he could never actually tell her. He's always said things like he greatly appreciates her and cares for her. So many things were going thorough Spock's head but the only coherent response he could get out was,

"What?"

"I love you Spock, I've always have. To me your everything I want and I want no one else but you."

"But that is what I do not understand, how can you want someone like me?" Spock asked with his head down. He is not one to be vulnerable in front of others but he couldn't help it. And he knew pushing her away was not helping, losing her is one of the last things he wants. She smiled slightly and touched his cheek in a loving way and whispered,

"In my eyes you are completely perfect and I wouldn't trade you for anything. And because of that you don't have to prove that you love me through words. I just know and that's always good enough for me." Spock took her words to heart and he did the closest thing to a smile he could get and then kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Thank you for your true opinion on me Nyota, it always pleases me to know how much I mean to you."

"Its not a problem." She said while wrapping her arms around his neck, giving him a hug. With everything that was said between them tonight he figured he could at least return the favor in some way. He softly whispered in her ear,

"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular Nyota."

"I know Spock, I know." With that being said they proceeded to his sleeping quarters to proceed with their normal activities.

**Ok I know that ending could have been better but I was like "lets just leave it at that." This story took me a really long time to write, like a few months to write. I couldn't figure out how to end it so I took a break on it and then came back to it today and it basically wrote it self. So I hoped you enjoyed the story. It's the first one I have written for a very long time so I apologize for me being a little rusty. Please review!**

_Translations: K'diwa- Beloved_

_Taluhk nash-veh k'dular- I cherish thee_


End file.
